RSVPhillippi | February 2012

SHHH…I’M RECORDING IT

By Dennis Phillippi

Some column ideas come from studies or polls I’ve seen in magazines. Some column ideas come from friends and some from total strangers. This column came from the much more common source: a conversation in a bar. My wife and I were having a few drinks with some friends, and I was giving her the business because she often records things on our DVR, but she never, ever watches them. Usually, it’s something that she was watching and honestly believed she would like to see how it turned out, but by the time she would get around to watching it, she has long since lost interest in how a rerun of “Bones” wrapped up. I pointed this out, and she said, “Well, I’m not the one who recorded the entire last season of ‘Smallville.’” A low blow, but fair. After all, I did record the entire last season of “Smallville,” but I plan to someday watch it. You know, when I have some free time.         

This led to a spirited round of “What junk do you have saved on your DVR?” My friend Eric started the ball rolling by admitting that he has 15 hours, 15, of “Judge Judy.” His rationale for this is that when he, like everyone else except Judge Judy, was unemployed a year ago, he got addicted to the show and hopes to carve out some time to catch up. Another person volunteered that she has filled hers completely with cooking shows, despite the fact that she eats out every single meal.        

For the fun of it, and because I’d had a few drinks, I later posted on the Facebook asking people what they have on their DVR. Great Googly Moogly did people react. Several people claimed to not know what exactly a DVR is, and others claimed they don’t know how to work theirs. I don’t buy it for a second. The DVR is one of the greatest pieces of technological advancement in our lifetime, like the electric towel warmer or the camera phones that make it possible for us to see celebrities walking their dogs. My DVR, recently cleared, still has more than 60 delicious selections just waiting for the right moment.         

One person claimed they have C-Span coverage of Kim Kardashian coverage. I hope he was joking because the combination of C-Span and Kardashians makes for the single dullest programming imaginable.       

People admitted surprising things, especially considering that their name and photo was right beside their admissions. A radio friend of mine admitted to being addicted to that “Deadliest Catch” deal, and another said that he had Australian editions of “Fear Factor.” These are shows I wouldn’t watch if I was somehow on them.        

One woman admitted to watching “Toddlers and Tiaras,” whatever that is.  If the name is accurate, it sounds like a show that would be a good argument for repealing the First Amendment. It’s bad enough that people are legally allowed to enter their freakish little robot in beauty pageants, but making a TV show rewards that behavior. Bad TV executives.      

 Several guys I know said that they have sporting events recorded, and not one of them had ever watched any of them. You know why? They’re sporting events. You don’t watch sports recorded, that’s what SportsCenter is for. My favorite team, the New Orleans Saints, won the Super Bowl, and I wouldn’t care anything about watching it recorded.         

Our DVR at home has, as mentioned, “Smallville,” as well as various talk shows Janet recorded because we were heading out the door and she really thought she was going to come home and play a dated interview with a celebrity she cares little about. There are several movies I recorded because I thought that maybe some famous woman in them might take off her top, but I haven’t had the energy or patience to fast forward through the other junk yet. There are movies that we didn’t have enough interest to see in the theater, or watch when they were run on a pay cable channel when they were run, but we believe we might at some point be bored enough to watch. The perfect example of that is the fourth Indiana Jones movie. It’s been on there forever, but neither of us has watched it. We should just erase it, but that feels somehow disloyal to old Indy.        

There are no network shows about hospitals or soap opery things where people betray or feel betrayed or any of that junk. I like “Bones,” and my wife likes “The Mentalist,” for completely different reasons I suspect, and there are lots of episodes of both, almost none of which will ever get watched. We have several hundred television channels, the Internet and, oh yeah, our lives to watch.        

I realize this is unique to my line of work, but our DVR also has a dozen or more appearances by me on TV. I record them because generally when I’m on the TV my wife is doing something other than watching, like for instance, her job. The DVR gets set to record them so she can watch them later. Only, of course, she never does. It doesn’t hurt my feelings; she has to watch me all the time as it is. I don’t watch them because I already know how weird I look. So, really the only jobs the DVR ever does is record and erase. Every once in a while, I clean stuff off of it because not watching this show or that show is actually starting to make me feel guilty. I know how stupid that sounds, but it’s true. Sad old episodes of shows that know they’re never going to be watched just sitting there waiting as I scroll past them. I have to put them out of their misery.        

Say what you will though, it’s not 15 hours of “Judge Judy.”

Dennis, if we ever get tired of watching our lives unfold on the social scene, we think you should definitely invite us over to watch the shows you’ve recorded of yourself. Then, your DVR’s new job will in-clude rewind because we know we’d want to laugh at your appearances over and over again. Shhh…consider it a compliment.